I'm falling apart... i know i am. Its been soo long since i've talked to her.. and out of nowhere she says hello. she writes me a letter you see and in this letter she signs... i still love you, and it kills me inside. new subject, shes pregnant.. nine months and i wont be there it hurts this beautiful baby girl is growing up with someone else as the father. new subject. the music is gone.. its been gone for a very long time and i cant really seem to find it again. it used to be there, in my head, never stopping or pausing to find a new melody.. just flowing.. new subject. she waved back, i took a chance and she waved back, no overwhelming glare of hatred, just a wave, and that killed me as well.. new subject. i'm completly and irrevocably in love with her, and that scares me.. its scares me that i am giving her the opportunity to rip out the remaining shreds of my heart.. but i love her and when she says she loves me back things dont hurt so much.. new subject. im dieing.. i haven't told anybody yet but its happening.. it was mike, who one night told me smoking was the slowest form of suicide to which i promptly responded i will live the best suicide ever.. new subject. she is dead she overdosed christmas eve [sorry to bring her up mike] this is the first time ive admitted to myself shes really gone.. and just now the first time ive told myself aloud, it doesnt hurt so much now.. new subject. im not sleeping, its the nightmares again.. new subject. mike.. come home we miss you your brothers just arent the same without you....
