The last time she had taken this kind of risk, she had ended up with a broken arm and 400 dollars to pay back to the state. But that’s not how it would go this time. She had a plan, and a reason to go. It wasn’t like she was just going to walk around and show the entire world that she was leaving. And if anyone was going to figure it out, they would’ve done it already. Psh, he didn’t even know, and he was supposed to know her best. She bet he hadn’t even noticed the meals she’d been skipping, trying to hide her stomach for as long as possible, preparing her sister and everyone for her leaving. Sigh. This was the last thing she’d ever wanted to do. All she wanted was to be held. Sticking her keys in the ignition, she took the long way to his house, down First Street, back past the middle school, and across the bridge again. When she finally pulled up to his house, she hesitated. Maybe it would be better if she just left, no goodbye. Maybe it would hurt him a little bit less. Now, like she had so often, she wondered why she didn’t just tell him about the baby. She knew what the answer was. He deserved something better. And besides, they didn’t have the money to raise a baby. It would be better if she just went away by herself. But she knew she couldn’t just leave. This was something she would have to get through. She didn’t even bother knocking. No one but him was home. She went back to the back room, where they had spent so much time getting to know each other. Just being kids. But she wasn’t a kid anymore. She kissed softly on the cheek, and sat down on his lap, saying she couldn’t stay long. He smiled innocently and asked if she wanted to go upstairs. She declined, and asked if they could just watch tv for a little while. She was so tired. Walking up the front steps had been exhausting. He said that would be fine and led her over to the couch, wrapping his arms around her. She stopped thinking, and just let herself feel. Feel the way his skin felt on hers. The way his breath felt, soft on her skin. She took it all in, knowing this would probably be the last time she would ever be held by anyone. They watched one episode of something, but she wasn’t paying any attention. She just let herself be held, so close, so far, trying to block out her thoughts. After the show was over, she said she had to go, holding back the tears. He lifted her chin and kissed her sweetly on the lips. Just then, she came very close to telling him, but she held back. This is what was best for him. She turned and got back into her car, and just drove. North, South, East, West, it didn’t matter. She just had to get away. She stopped fighting the tears, and let them fall freely. So much for forever.
