Why do i feel so alone
like no one is home
as if im by myself
abandoned by everyone.
nothing seems the same.
everyone seems to fight.
i get caught up in the middle.
trying to balance out my friends and patty.
he just gets so jealous.
if im not with him.
then ofcourse it means i dont want to be with him.
if im not with my friends.
then its cuz i dont wanna be with them...
right?
WRONG.
they are "always free if i wanna hang."
i can only be in one place at a time.
i try to spend equal time.
fix it all.
but..
its like im the only one trying.
the only one caring.
the only one stressing.
im getting to the point i was at before.
i thought i was doing better.
the new meds.
being in the hospital.
the new psychiatrist.
but aparently not.
im back to where i was.
wishing i was dead.
im never gewd enough for anyone.
and i never will be anything but me.
they might have taken away all the pills.
but ill find another way if i have to.
i keep trying to make things better.
trying to improve everything.
im a perfectionist.
living in the biggest mess possible.
