me...

lunch today.

i was surrounded by my friends. they all were laughing, having good time, and i'm just sitting there.

and i felt lonely.

how screwed up am i now that i can by surrounded by people i know, i like, and i call my friends, yet i am lonely?

and yet that isn't the right word, either. it's like a depression, except it comes and goes, taking over me when it comes, and abandoning me just before i do something to try and fix it. in another words, something stupid.

and how can i even get rid of it if i'm not even sure what's causing it? my life has been better than usually, yet still, it comes.

and i'm tired of having periods of time where i want to just blow up the whole world, where i can't be happy, can't trust anybody, because eventually i will be betrayed, and it's stupid but it happens.

and i can't figure out how to stop it from happening.

this seems to be happening to every body
i really think it is because of our past
we have times where our brain reflects on the past
subconstiously with out us knowing
i think thats wats happening

I feel like that almost every damn day. Like I don;t quite do anything right and nobody really cares that I am there. I could just disapper.Drift off and nobody will miss me. I fight so hard to break away from my parents but I can't. I'm too young. They're too protective. nd why run? Who would care? I get brought back and super grounded, making my fragile life worse.In most part, I hate that feeling. It's like why the hell am I here? Then the depression sets in. Why does it matter? That;s why some choose death. But I don't think they ever realize you can't bring yourself back after that. i guess I sorta vented but all well. Get over it. Depression is a thing that touches every human and some more thatn others. But ife goes on. Even if you are a hollow shell doing it.