buhhh.

almost five months.
and sometimes...
it still hurts.
he's gone.
i didn't even really get to know him.. i guess..
he was just part of my daily ritual..
so without having him there.
part of my life is floating in the nothing-ness that has become his memory.
i see his face everywhere.
some part of me still wants him to be alive.
soooo badly.
i want my brother back...
we weren't close. but he was part of the team.
so he was part of the family.
so he was part of my family.
so he was my big brother.
and i feel so dumb.
but i miss him. those shorts..
that hat..
that wrestler waggle..
that boy..
and he's gone.
he got permanently stuck in a black hole..
and it closed around him..
and now.. he's gone..
it still feels like some sick and twisted nightmare.
and i've never been so excited to see someone in my life..
i can't even wait.
so there.

way to let it out, love.

there's still more inside.
it just hurts less i guess.

that's all you can do, i think.
let it out, slow-like, til the pain is bearable.

like like.. when you have a muscle spasm.
and you just have to relax all slow like.

'xactly.

I hope your back in fighting condition soon.

On another note.



I find thate "wrestler waggle" provocative.

Dun no ask me why

Okay, I've been speaking with pretty much only five year olds and farmers all week; someone wanna remind me what provocative means?

if you are saying my dead wrestler turns you on..
i'll be in fighting condition faster than you can get away.

I didn't think about in that degree.

I apologize.

all is forgiven.

not a close friend but a teamate and in that sense alone a brother.. he's missed and he will be.. i remember freshman year wrestling.. mike couldn't get to practice cuz he couldn't get a ride.... he was the only one who even thought to offer me a ride... mike couldn't wrestle cuz his hair was too long... thanks for letting me borrow your cap... i'm sure where ever he is he's wrestling with giants and whoopin their asses...

Rest in Paradise...

you know he is!